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GRUBY'S MAMMOTH ENTERPRISES
grew out of a recent
experience where I learned some basics of harvesting
and pickling or is it
preserving Columbian and Wooly Mammoths. As
is not unusual new learning's may lead to completely
unexpected consequences and opportunities,
frequently nurtured through the networking with
creative and cognitively enhanced friends and
strangers.
The experience was
sponsored through Elderhostel
http://tinyurl.com/c5xorw and occurred at the
Mammoth Site in Hot Springs, South Dakota
http://www.mammothsite.com/geology.html
.
While
there I learned that advances in the fields of
genetics and DNA sequencing plus anticipative
discoveries of additional samples of mammoth DNA
from carcasses/carcassi found frozen in the
tundra of Siberia, that the (re) production of
mammoths will likely be possible by 2020.
Also, while
there one of the creative class members (Dave H.)
speculated about the
commercial possibilities of raising a gaggle of
mammoths as a basis for a moderately upscale
restaurant featuring dishes just like one's many
times removed grandmother used to make. Upon return
and sharing the experience with colleagues it was
suggested by one Sheldon A., historian, actor,
writer and general instigator that this was an idea
whose time has come.
Thus above,
brief history, is a summation of the events
leading to the formation of
GRUBY'S MAMMOTH
ENTERPRISES.
Developmental Phase:
GRUBY'S MAMMOTH
ENTERPRISES
has recently
06/13/2009, a Saturday, not a Friday, thereby
avoiding a less than ideal connotation relative to
the founding day/date of this
"Enterprise"
as it may be referred to in the future, announced
the beginning of the Developmental Phase of this
endeavor. This the developments to occur in this,
the Developmental Phase are as follows and, as the
astute reader may observe, work has already begun on
some.
MENU PLANNING:
Here we
follow
the 7 Principles of Management which emphasize the
development of a basic GOAL early in the
bringing of a project to fruition. Since we are
entering the restaurant business, a basic, and
perhaps the most basic requirement is that of a
MENU. Ergo there follows a sample, but not yet
completed sample of the MENU. for want, of a better
name will be advertised as "THE MAMMOTH STEAK,
BURGER, RIB AND STEW HOUSE aka MSBRASH as in
the (soon to be popular) slogan ," I've got a
mammoth appetite lets all go down to MSBRASH".
Appetizers:
Trilobite
Cocktail: A half a dozen jumbo shrimp served, chilled
in a Mammoth tusk cone with cocktail and tarter
sauce on the side.
Fried Mammoth
Cheese Curds: Made with mammoth milk, carefully aged
in the back room of a secret cave and fried in bear
fat.
Mammoth Pate and
Stone Ground Crackers
Pickled Mammoth
Knuckles and Stone Ground Crackers
Soups:
Mammoth Tail,
Mammoth Noodle, Mammoth and Stars, Mammoth
Vegetable, Mammoth Barley, French Onion
Mammoth Soup
Mammoth Chili Texas
Style or Mammoth Chili with beans with
toppings of chopped onions, sour cream and shredded
Mammoth Cheddar.
Salads:
Field Greenery
with fried, grilled or baked top Mammoth sirloin.
Fern Heads
drizzled with mammoth yogurt.
Steaks:
Filet 128 oz,
feral pig bacon wrapped or for the light eater a 64
oz portion.
Hot Springs Strip:
Smothered with seasonal fungi.
Sirloin: Hand cut
from the tender loin, gilled over fresh, peeled
willow branches and served on a bed of wild rice
Ribs:
Short,
long and medium ribs.
Full Rack
Half Rack
Quarter Rack
1/512th Rack
Mammoth
Prime Rib: (We
suggest you ask for our Rare Mammoth Prime Rib)
Queen Cut
King Cut
Mammoth Cut (Our Specialty)
Mammoth Roast,
Large: Requires 30 days notice.
Roast mammoth
with gravy over tubers.
Burgers and
Sandwiches:
Mammoth Mammoth
Burger
Humongous
Mammoth Burger
Jumbo Mammoth
Burger
Add Mammoth
cheese for a Mammoth Cheese burger
Open Faced
Thinly Sliced Roast Mammoth and Gravy
Sub
Sandwiches featuring Mammoth
Salami, Bologna and Assorted Cold Cuts with Mammoth
Swiss, Cheddar or Monterey Jack Cheese.
Trunk
Sandwich: served on a bratwurst bun with onions,
mustard and pickle.
Smoked Mammoth Hocks served over a bed of
Pre-Columbian wild wild rice.
Mammoth Liver with Onions and mashed potato
al-a-grub.
You could decorate the walls with photos of the
Mammoth ranch. Photos of herds of Mammoth roaming in
an fenced in ranch with mountains as a background
are always popular, especially with the youngsters.
For breakfast you could serve Dodo bird eggs with
smoked Mammoth.
At the cash register counter you could sell:
Mammoth Jerky, cut in five foot lengths for easy
carrying.
Folk could take home dried Mammoth ear for their
pets. Imagine our Shiz-Tzu Sadie gnawing on one of
those. Would last most of a lifetime. You'd never
have to buy another, at least until your dog passed
and you got a new dog.
Pickled Mammoth Knuckles, of course.
Mammoth sticks. About the size around as a
horse's pe***.
Peanut Butter
Mammoth
Pizzas:
Thick Crust, Thin, Crust, Stuffed, Chicago, New
York, Hot Springs or South Dakota
Small
Medium
Large
Mammoth
Choice of toppings:
Italian Mammoth Sausage, Mammoth Pepperoni, Mammoth
Anchovy*, Mammoth Bacon, Mammoth Canadian Bacon,
Mammoth Ham, Black Olives.
* Real anchovies are
too small for our Mammoth pizzas so we substitute
Gar for your dining pleasure.
Deserts:
Mammoth Ice-cream, flavor of the day, Steppe Willow,
Fresh Pine Twig
House Sundae: La Brea Tar Pit with chocolate brownie
Additional items will
be added as requested by the public.
Specialty Signature Dishes
Named in Honor of
Individuals Who/Whom have knowingly or unknowingly
facilitated this project.
Olga's Omelet: An
enormous number of wild bird eggs to which a secret
blend of
late Pleistocene
spices and scrambled Mammoth brains have been added
- cooked to perfection.
Faye's French
Fried Teriyaki Mammoth flank steak strips, Clovis
Point tenderized and served over a blend of wild
grain seeds.
STAFF:
We will soon be
seeking to fill staff positions, including the
following:
Waitress: Prefer
Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble look alike.
Parking Attendant:
Bam Bam type
Mammoth Milkers:
Hulk Hogan .
Mammoth cheese
maker and cutter: open
Additional Staff
to be subsequently sought.
Facilities:
Architecture and decor.
Each franchise
owner will be assisted in defraying construction
costs for materials. Taking a page from the Tundra,
once members of our gaggle have been deboned and
served to our patrons the remaining skin and bones
will be used for the construction of new "Mammoth
Units/Restaurants" and the expenses for all
franchise owners will be amortized among all parties
with a usual and customary fee being deducted for
management expenses.
As may be seen in
the following picture, the Grande Entrance to the
"MAMMOTH HUT" will be framed by Mammoth tusks
arching overhead and resting on columns of femurs
interspersed with Mammoth vertebrae This structure
will then be covered with a Mammoth Skin/Hide for
added protection and shelter from the elements.
Note: As a further example of out meticulous
planning the covering will be laid hair side out so
that patrons do not discover a wild rabbit in their
soup.
Offering:
It is proposed herein
by the parties of the first part (us) that parties of
the second parts (you) send, before midnight tonight
large packages of small denomination, unmarked bills
to my Nigerian Banker so as to insure your possible
registration for consideration of permission for us
to, perhaps review your franchise application
inquiry at some future date.
Meanwhile
your contributions will be safely ensconced in our
Almost Transatlantic Chunnel Account.
Currently planned to have the West to East Mid
Atlantic Chunnel lane opened between
Ittoqqortoormiit, Greenland and
Seyoisfjorour,
Iceland before the turn of the centaury.
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